I take my dreams very seriously. Others may not, but I see them as gateways to my subconscious mind, providing me with important messages. I had a dream the other night that I was talking to my mother. She was sitting in a chair, wearing big headphones and knitting. I came up from behind her, hugged her, then kissed her on the cheek before she turned around to look at me.
In the dream, I told her I was getting cold feet (not sure about what though) and that I felt anxious. I don't remember the rest of the dream, or what my mom said to me, but I woke up wondering what I was doing with my life.
The truth is that I wasn't happy being a Dental Assistant; I realized after a month of trying to make it work out that I had little interest in it. On top of that, the coworker I worked with was constantly calling out of work, which put a strain on me since I was still learning the trade. I must be a bad employee or something, because none of it was sitting well with me.
I know risks scares a lot of people, but not me. The idea of a worthy challenge actually makes me excited and motivates me. Working for others however makes me feel trapped. So after thinking about it for awhile at my desk, I woke Dimitar up and so we could talk.
I told him I wanted to pursue my passions; making art and vlogs. That I wanted to give my complete attention to my goals so I could achieve them faster. He knew what I was talking about but expressed his worry about unpredictable events, but said he wanted me to be happy.
In the past seven years, I have taken two major breaks from work to work on myself. Back then though, I was still exploring my potential and it took me time to figure out what I was initially going after.
Now that I am making money from YouTube though and I have my own place to make vlogs, there is a feeling within me that I can't ignore. It's always there, tugging at my heart, asking for me to pay attention to it. Each time I ignore it, I feel more disconnected from myself.
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