With my previous pancake making skills on my side, I used a 1/4 measuring cup for my pancakes and had my skillet on the lowest heat setting. I poured the batter into the skillet and waited for the bubbles to appear before flipping. Well, apparently I did not wait long enough because as I tried to flip the pancake, it fell apart completely even though the pancake looked well cooked. I was so confused. This was my first attempt and it was upsetting. 

    In all honesty, it took me three tries to figure out these pancakes. I tried one of the pancakes that I managed to make normally and I loved the taste; I just could not understand how to cook them! The third time was much better though and while I ended up wasting a lot of the pancake mix simply trying, it was worth it. 

    The trick for these pancakes to come out just right is to make them small so that it's easier to flip them. Next, wait two minutes before trying to flip them; I actually timed myself and it took two minutes and eleven seconds to be exact. It's important to wait long enough because the ingredients in this pancake mix do not cook as fast as a regular pancake mix would. Also, before flipping, I ended up sliding my spatula under the sides of the pancakes just to lift the pancake up so that I could make sure it wasn't stuck to the pan and this helped greatly. 

    

     Confidence is a touchy subject for me. You either have it, or it needs improvement. You either shine despite your fears or you stay in the shadows, letting your potential pass you by. Confidence isn't taught in school - a class I would have really appreciated, along with self-development. Truth is, our confidence actually starts at such a pivotal point in our lives, where we're learning how to take our first baby steps. When our undeveloped bones and muscles bear our weight for the first time; each attempt leading to more strength and less falls.

    I believe heavily that our home life as children determines greatly the outcome of a child's mindset and future. If you nurture your child with the right environment and give them opportunities to socialize, introduce them to new activities, having thought provoking conversations with them to develop their critical thinking, love them openly, and listening to them to show that their opinion is valuable - all of this plays an important role in our confidence because I myself didn't have much of that and it was a struggle I endured for majority of my adolescent years.

    I've opened up about my home life a bit in my previous post on a mindset for success, where I shared how I needed to reprogram myself completely from my own upbringings so that I could have better odds with success. It's not an easy process for anyone in need of reprograming themselves, but once accomplished, it's absolutely worth it. It wasn't until I was in my early 20's that I worked on my self-development and it took about five years for me to see drastic improvements. This is why our home life from a very young age really matters; it has a domino effect on children like it did for me.

8 year old me

    Here's an idea of how bad my confidence was; I ate for comfort - so I became overweight and stayed that way majority of my youth, I was bullied at school because of my weight, I fought a lot with my sister - both physically and verbally, I never made an effort to make friends and when I did - I was too afraid to be myself, I lived in my head a lot because I saw my parent's doing the same which lead to a lot of tension in our household, I didn't care about school because it didn't interest me which made me wonder if I was intellectually impaired, and last but not least, I had no idea how to embrace my feminine side because my mother wasn't around much to give us the love or attention my sisters and I desperately needed. 

It was hard.

    I truly felt like a character out of the book, A Series of Unfortunate Events, where everything kept falling apart and happiness was only brief. Despite everything though, I kept my head up and recalled many times where I persevered. Deep down, I always had a feeling within me that refused to give into the chaos around me. I refused to become a victim or let life beat me down. I had no idea what confidence was for the longest, but looking back now, I'm starting to think that it's a mixture of strength and hope; the best remedy yet.

Lost 25 lbs doing keto for 2 months

    As I matured and began to live independently, I began to see what confidence really meant to me. Confidence helped me fly to another state and live in an hotel until I found my first apartment; from there I waited months before I finally found a decent job. Confidence was me reaching out to try online dating when I had no idea what to expect, yet it led me to finding my life partner. Confidence was starting my own YouTube channel when my art skills weren't the best, where I became a great artist after five years of pure dedication. Confidence was trying special diets like juicing and keto for months, losing more weight than I had ever done before, leaving me looking and feeling my best.   

    The more I put myself into the world, the more the world gave back to me. The more I faced my fears, the more I was willing to try. The harder life became, the easier it became for me to stand tall with my head held high. As I grew up, my ability to believe in myself became more obvious and the more I tuned into what my heart really wanted, the more love I began to feel for myself. It felt like true freedom, it just took me so long to realize the power was in my hand's.

    Maybe that's confidence after all; loving yourself enough to always do what's right for you, even if you don't know the outcome.

Dyed my hair blonde for the first time!

 The best thing about confidence is that everyone has it; it just needs to be used.

Until next time! xoxo - Sarah

  People are a product of their environment; they are either nurtured or conditioned being molded by society and those around them. A little psychology and philosophy on this matter will confirm this. This leads me to todays article, one I am very passionate about; a mindset for success.

    I grew up in a chaotic and unpredictable household. There was often tension between my parents or my sister and I would fight because of this. As a child with little to say or do about the circumstances that were thrown at me, I often had a lot of pent up frustration that only carried on with me as I grew up. 

    When I became an adult, I knew better to completely reprogram myself because I knew I had many beliefs that just weren't mine. I was insecure, overweight (at least I thought I was even when I wasn't), not use to my own feminism, unsure about building relationships, and overall lived a good amount of time in my head. As I grew into my independence though and put myself into situations where I had to back myself up, I realized there was so much for me to work on and even more to learn.

Instagram photo 2013

    My self-development journey officially started after I met my partner, Dimitar. I was going through a tough time of not finding a job and just moving in with my boyfriend's parents that it led me to do a lot of soul searching. In the time of me looking for a job, I read a lot of books to take my mind off of my worries and focused heavily on new age concepts such as the law of attraction.

   I even read books on scientific studies that were done on patients who exhibited optimistic attitudes of their overall health condition versus those who were more negative. I watched documentaries on energy and water and how the two went hand in hand to determine our own mental and physical well-being. I even read empowering books such as Viktor Frankl famous book, "Man Searching For Meaning," which greatly shaped my mindset.

    Within two years or so of being dedicated to my self-development, I was able to filter out my negative thoughts and even recognize self-sabotage acts before they kicked in. Here is what I learned in the process:

    Take the time to listen to yourself, care for yourself, and love yourself. Be your own friend because the child in you is counting on you.

3. Reprogram Yourself 

    Release yourself from past beliefs and feelings that others or yourself, threw onto you. Read self-help books, watch documentaries, meet new people, try new activities, develop a new routine, eat healthier or workout more, etc. Make an effort to find out who you really are without the extra baggage.

4. Grow Your Passions

    What do you think about the most? What makes you feel like a child again? What makes you lose track of time? Find your hidden passion and bring it to life; there are more answers there than you realize.

5. Smile

    Let your smile be your strength and let it shine wherever you go.

   6. Develop A Routine

    Fill your day with small tasks that will empower you. As you bring your passions to life, work your daily routine around it so your day is fulfilling. Make your routine fun and personalized to fit your needs.

7. Journal Often

    Every week or month make time to journal about your experiences. It will be a time where you can release any emotions weighing you down or gain more perspective. One day, years later, you can read your journals and realize how much you've grown.

8. Listen To Your Intuition - Not Your Emotions 

    Emotions can be misleading but truth will always stand tall. Be honest with yourself and follow your gut instincts first. Pursue what you want and let go of what no longer serves you.

9. It's Okay To Cry

If you need to cry, cry. Don't hold the pain in just for it to grow even more. Release your pain naturally and then move on with confidence. 

10. Pamper Yourself

Spoil yourself every month and make time to do it regularly. You really do deserve the finer things in life.

Until next time! xoxo - Sarah

    November is here and do you know what that means? That's right; it's time to decorate the tree. Of course, as I've mentioned before in my previous post on why Holidays are important, I intend on having the Christmas tree up all year round; it's great décor honestly, like having a big artificial plant in your living-room.

    So one late night, Dimitar and I went to our local Walmart to see if their aisles were already stocked for Christmas. To our surprise, they were and Halloween was just around the corner. They had a whole warehouse completely dedicated to everything Christmas and it felt like I was in paradise. There were so many beautiful ornaments to look and choose from that our trip to only get garland, turned into a trip to get everything!

    Since it was late, we had the whole warehouse to ourselves which was nice since both Dimitar were both acting like little children in a candy shop; going from aisle to aisle and showing each other ornaments we wanted to get. It was so exciting but also overwhelming. I had a color theme that I wanted the tree to have, silver and white, yet there were so many interesting ornament colors to choose from. As you all know, I love colorful things, especially shining things, so I was really torn. 

Walmart Christmas department - so organized!

    Our shopping cart was full by the time we left and when we got home to put everything on the tree; we realized that we didn't have enough garland or lights...So we went back, then came back home, and began decorating the tree. It was fun, it was late, but it was worth it. 

Silver & Gold themed tree with red accents

Sun reflecting off of tree <3

Double Chocolate Reese Cookies

   

The printer corner

Much better than it was before!

    

    We also bought a buffet table for the kitchen because we have little counter space to work with. I always struggle to bake in such a narrow kitchen as I mentioned in my baking in a small kitchen post, so buying extra counter space and storage was a must. We found this piece on Wayfair which was everything we needed. 

    

Dimitar adding the doors - I built 80% of this - so proud of myself

Looks so pretty with the wooden top finish!

Circe by Madeline Miller

    

Half-way through it

    Well, I'm going to end this post here with some photos I took around town. This time of year becomes really beautiful as the seasons change and I always have to stop and take as many pictures as possible. Thanks for reading!

    

Don't fret sweet bloom

These wounds will heal soon

The seasons still harbor our names

That we've cradled for life and all that came

Our future

Your dreams

An album of memories

Looking up carries it's own weight

A burden we'll feel forever beneath our feet

Stop your trembling as the seasons restore our balance

Stand tall for as long as you face this mirror

Make your peace

Let it go

Push on and glance back for only a minute and no more

Hold your heart as you ascend past old aches

To lands not too far from a fire burning within

Feel the wind wipe your tears

All is well

Time remains

Looking up will give you all the answers you need

Original poem by Sarah Lucas

    I met my boyfriend online about eight years ago. I was living in Baltimore Maryland at the time, working two jobs just to make ends meet while renting out someone's basement. I had just gotten out of a bad relationship so I was rather insecure of myself and not feeling particular about mingling. A coworker of mine though suggested that I try online dating since I worked two jobs so I went for it; not really sure what to expect.

    I went on one date and it was horrible. Absolutely horrible. I felt I had nothing in common with the guy and felt extremely uncomfortable. A few days later, I discovered Dimitar's profile by pure chance. He had similar interests as I did on his profile - a documentary called "Zeitgeist" - and I was immediately intrigued since it's not really a mainstream documentary; so I reached out.  We talked to each other for several days before finally making a date to meet each other. We even spoke on the phone too and I was super shy!

    Our first date was on October 22, 2013. It was a chilly night, but perfect. He picked me up from my apartment and we decided that we'd go to the movies and see Interstellar. Since we were early to the movies, we walked around the town for a bit and talked for some time; losing ourselves in each other. We talked about our interests, our jobs, a bit about our lives, and even made jokes with each other. I was so comfortable with him and he enjoyed my company as well. 

First picture together in 2013

    From that point on, we began dating. Dimitar lived in Springfield, VA at the time, so we were half an hour away from each other. To make up for the distance, we took turns seeing each other. He'd drive to meet me a few times and I'd take the Amtrak train to see him since I didn't have a car. On days where we didn't see each other, he'd called me from work and we'd talk for hours. The best part of my day was being able to see him or hear his voice. I knew I loved him early into our relationship simply because he truly made me feel special from the moment we met; he even opened the doors for me wherever we went!

    After several months of dating, I moved in with him and his parent's - something I wish even today I waited on! My lease on the apartment was ending and his parents agreed I could stay with them for awhile. Well... awhile turned into seven years. Dimitar and I bumped heads a lot early into our relationship and argued often as we began to live with each other; we had good moments, but there were plenty more stressed ones. I was convinced that we wouldn't make it, but within two years we managed to work out our kinks and insecurities and both of us were so happy we didn't give up. From that point on we only became closer.

    Dimitar helped me see the world in a more futuristic manner. He showed me the importance of investing in oneself and being more care-free while I helped him be more ambitious. We learned to communicate better when we realized each others strengths and weaknesses and we also learned to listen better to each other too. Both of us came from families where communication was often sacrificed for the sake of peace, and we realized we didn't want that to be us. We wanted to be authentic in all shapes and forms - no matter what.

Skydiving 2014 - I was so scared!

    We both pushed each other to see past our own limitations and we both encouraged each other to reach for greatness. He supported my love for art and I supported his love for investing. Appreciating the small things really made a difference in our lives together; whether it was going on walks, going camping, window shopping, or taking a spontaneous trip to Walmart just to buy junk food and go back home to binge watch Netflix. We loved the small things that made us happy and we were happy just to make each other happy in the process. 

    Of course, there were stressful moments too; moments that tested our love for each other. Issues with money came about, starting a life of our own seemed unreachable, drama with his family or mine, or just our own personal lives tugged at us constantly. We learned to lean on each other during times of stress though and we learned that we could cry with the other too and still feel safe. It was during such trying times that I realized how much Dimitar meant to me because he gave me a safe place to really be myself. 

     We both enjoyed deep philosophical conversations too which we used as a guide in our relationship. Our love for philosophy and self-development helped us reason with ourselves and helped keep our relationship genuine. We both had a progressive mindset that kept pushing us forward and it freed us from so many issues that we saw others around us facing. Before we knew it, this mindset led us to a  different side of life; one that felt so magical and surreal.

Rome 2019

    In 2020, I was devastated by the passing of my mom. She had been struggling with alcohol and was homeless at the time and for so long I had been praying that everything would work out for the better. I felt so much resentment after my mom's passing and Dimitar was there to reassure me that everything would be alright. He experienced the loss with me and to this day, I'm forever grateful for him being by my side when all I wanted was to be alone. I know it was hard on him to see me in so much pain and it was his strength and love that made daily tasks easier.

    2020 was the year I decided to turn my life around. I was tired of being stagnate with my own growth and I knew I needed a new change. I saved up money and searched for apartments and by early 2021, Dimitar and I had finally made our first move. It was intimidating for both of us since we had never had a place of our own, but we worked together and did our best to make our new apartment work out.  After everything we had been through, our first apartment felt like a breath of fresh air. 

1st Apartment 2021

    Later in the year though, my boyfriend's grandpa in Bulgaria passed away; they were very close and they talked often. We both cried in the hallway to the news and we held one another; now it was my turn to be there for him. I gave him the comfort he gave to me when I was in pain and I checked up on him daily just to remind him that I was there for him. It was hard experiencing the pain all over again of losing someone, but taking it day by day and being there for him, even crying with him, made all the difference.

Until next time! xoxo - Sarah