As I've mentioned before, for the past 6 months - maybe even 7 - I was in the middle of suing my landlord. If you want context for what exactly happened, I wrote a lengthy post on it that can fill you in.  After 6 months of preparing for a trial, working with our lawyers and gathering up witnesses, we finally had our trial on the 23rd of this month. Just when I thought the case was going extremely well, it took a turn for the worst and the judge ended up dismissing our case. 

    Words can't describe how betrayed I feel by the Alexandria City court house. To hear a judge - who is supposed to be unbiased - literally question my own lawyer for why he was working with us and why he charged the rates that he did, was appalling. On top of that, he even ignored the facts or the laws that were broken by our landlord, giving us no chance from the start. He then made a remark that we could have spent the money on a vacation rather then paying for a lawyer - what judge does or says this? It was disgusting to witness and it truly was a scenario that not only made me lose faith in the justice system but even God. 

    Now, I know for anyone who has faith, trusting God's reasoning is of utmost importance. I myself am very much connected to my own intuition, my faith and spirituality, and I honestly hate the idea of being afraid because I feel more in control when I am calm or assertive. The only exception to this is of course death, but I'm slowly learning to accept this as well.

    When it comes to my faith though, no, I'm not and have never been super religious. However, I've always felt connected to a force greater than me that has helped me get through so much of the chaos in my life. I've wondered countless times how I'm even alive today and I've come to the conclusion that it's because of this force that I feel but can't see. I've felt it my whole life, yet as the phases in my life upgrade and I'm hit with bigger challenges than the one before, it's harder for me to continue believing. I sometimes wonder if it's all just a part of my imagination; a part of me that's desperate to believe in something when I feel like giving up. 

    I know there are millions of people who have been wronged to the point where they lost their faith or their connection to what means most to them yet they found a way to push forward. I've secretly wanted to be one of those people because I admired their strength. I wanted to be so internally strong and capable to the point that no obstacle in my life could phase me. I wanted to accept life for being harsh so that nothing could knock me down or take me by surprise. It's exhausting though.

    What do you do when the very system in place to restore the balance here on earth turns a blind eye? What do you do when your heart believes in the fight you're fighting for, yet your environment is tarnished by corruption and evil? What do you do when you maintain your faith and love just to continue being knocked down? What do you do when the world tips off the scale and you're the only one trying to make things right?

    Well...the best I can do now is mind my way of being and accept the challenge before me. I've done it before and I'll continue doing it. There are some fights you win and some fights you lose, but it ultimately boils down to how many times you get back up. I know I could easily be resentful and allow myself to break the very foundation I've built for myself for over a decade, but that would be fruitless. As someone who once said to me, why settle in the dark when it's the light you want to be in.

    After 8 wonderful years together, it was time to say goodbye to Twixy. His condition quickly got the best of him these last few days and he had his final breaths two nights ago in my arms. I have never had a pet for so long and I have never developed a bond so close with one before the way that I had with Twixy. He was a special boy who really made me a proud guinea pig mama. 

    When I first adopted Twixy and his brother, I knew nothing about where they were coming from. All I knew was that they were brothers and that Snickers was a bit feisty when held. They were also older then all of the other guinea pigs in the store but I decided right then and there that I would be their new guinea pig mama. So I took them home and built my first C&C cage for them and they absolutely loved it. Compared to the small tank enclosure they were in at the store, their new home was like paradise. 

Their C&C cage

       Many years ago, when I was little, I came home from school one day and found my guinea pig, Fluffy, gone (we were moving and could not have them where we were going). I was so devastated since I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to him. From that point on, I told myself that I would get a guinea pig of my own when I grew up and sure enough, fifteen years later I did. While most people have cats or dogs, I adored having guinea pigs because they were funny, demanding, loved food, had so many ways of expressing themselves that I knew nothing about, and they were complex in their own ways. 

    Since Snickers did not like being held, even with food, I mostly held Twixy. He would enjoy lying in my lap or resting his head on my arm as I worked on the computer. His number one favorite place to be though was on my shoulder. As soon as I picked him up, he'd crawl right up to my shoulder and give me kisses on my cheek. I never knew guinea pigs gave kisses until Twixy did it to me and it was the best feeling a guinea pig mama could have. 

Twixy's favorite spot - my shoulder

    The first big scare I had with Twixy was when he was deficient in Vitamin C. I thought I was giving him and his brother enough but it was only after he stopped eating and lost weight that I took him to the Vet. She didn't confirm that he was deficient in Vitamin C and after many tests later, she was confused. So I took him home and decided to care for him myself even though I feared the worst. I gave him more Vitamin C and tube fed him critical care 3x a day. After 2 weeks, he went back to being his usual self and it was a relief, but a major lesson for me.

    The thing that I didn't think to look into was the fact that whenever Twixy ran, he would trip over his legs. I thought he was just clumsy but as he got older, the tripping increased and I started to worry that it would get worse as he aged. It wasn't until two years ago that I started to give them both joint supplements, hoping that it would help him move around easier, as well as CBD.

    Last year Twixy started to have issues with his hind legs pretty bad though, so I took him to the Vet again. She found he had a mass on his stomach but that his bones were in decent shape. Since he was older and underweight, he didn't qualify for the surgery to see what the mass was, so I just decided that I would do my best to make his time with me comfortable and stress free. 

Piggies waiting to be fed

    Having Twixy and his brother made me realize how remarkable these animals are. They're small and may not be as mobile as some pets, but they're precious. At the same time, how these animals are bred for pet stores is heart breaking. Most of Twixy's conditions were genetics that were hard to treat once he got older. For anyone who has bought a pet from the pet store, it is better to adopt from shelters since the truth behind pet store's breeding process is often inhumane and horrific. Even with that said though, I am still blessed to have adopted my fur babies because I know my love and care has helped them live a long happy life.

    With Twixy now in piggie heaven, his brother is alone. I have been reading up on how to care for a guinea pig that is mourning, and so far Snicker's is doing well. He keeps to himself a lot but he still continues to eat and drink. I do take him out of the cage multiple times a day to feed him in my lap and so far, he has been very receptive. To keep him calm, I also play music around his cage with guinea pig sounds paired with it. Because guinea pigs are very social by nature, I have plans this weekend to go to the animal shelter to look for Snicker's new cage mate - if all goes well, Snickers will have a new companion very soon.

    Since his brother fell ill, I saw a whole new side of Snickers that I have never seen before in these past 8 years. A few days before Twixy's final moments, Snickers had stayed by his side often and was very protective of him every time I tried to pick his brother up. Normally, Snickers does his own thing and his brother would follow him around, but I felt like Snickers genuinely wanted to comfort his brother when he wasn't doing so great. 

2019 Christmas

    Twixy's passing hit me hard because I wasn't expecting his health to decline so fast; I truly thought I had more time with him. In only three days though, he had stopped moving completely and became depressed; he didn't even want to eat or be picked up. It caused me so much stress to see him like that but deep down I knew he was telling me it was his time to go which was hard to accept. Right before he passed away, I had picked him up to give him kisses and told him how much I loved him. Within a few seconds in my arms, I knew he had moved on.

    So to my Twixy Pooh, thank you for all of the wonderful memories shared with me, Dimitar, and your brother. You were a wonderful piggie that gave me so much happiness and laughter, even during my hardest times in my life. I hope where you are now, you're happy and loved. I love you so much and will miss you forever.

Twixy  2013-2022 Snickers 2013-2023

    I haven't been very active lately because the struggles I have been going through have taken a lot of energy out of me. Just when I feel like I am ready to take life head on, I see a road block before me and then another one right after that. It has been so overwhelming that there are days where I just sit on the couch analyzing my life and the direction it's going in. On my worst days, I even question my faith.

    Under normal circumstances, I am a very positive person who just so happens to have a streak of rebellion in her. I hate playing the victim and I have a decent connection to my spirituality to help me get through just about anything. When life gets hard, I take responsibility and do what needs to be done for it to improve so I can be on my way.

      Lately though, everything that I know or relied on, hasn't worked out in my favor and it has left me feeling extremely vulnerable. As you all know from my previous post, I am in the middle of taking my landlord to court. What I thought would be taken care of in a few weeks, turned into a three month long process.

    After that, Dimitar and I were ready to move out in February to start a new life somewhere else; we even made a reservation for an apartment that we really liked. As it turned out though, our lease end date had been changed with no update given to us, so we had to release the apartment we reserved. It was so upsetting to think about having to live in our current apartment longer but there wasn't anything that we could do about it.

    On top of all of that, working with a lawyer isn't cheap and within two months, we had to pay another retainer fee. It completely threw us off and left us speechless. Even though I know very well that when life gives you such drastic changes, the best thing to do is to trust that it's happening for a good reason - but the constant road blocks can feel so smothering at times when it's back to back. 

    With everything happening at once, I tried to break everything down so I could figure out what the Universe was trying to teach me. Throughout this entire process, I have had to be patient with myself, trust my own truth even when others don't believe in me, do what needs to be done no matter how inconvenient it is, and most importantly, have faith. 

   This whole process has also left me feeling vulnerable; something I am not familiar with or comfortable with experiencing. All of these challenges force me to build a deeper connection with my own spirituality that will eventually push me to realizing how strong I really am. It doesn't feel like this now, but I know someday when all of this is taken care of, it will give me much wisdom.