I haven't been very active lately because the struggles I have been going through have taken a lot of energy out of me. Just when I feel like I am ready to take life head on, I see a road block before me and then another one right after that. It has been so overwhelming that there are days where I just sit on the couch analyzing my life and the direction it's going in. On my worst days, I even question my faith.
Under normal circumstances, I am a very positive person who just so happens to have a streak of rebellion in her. I hate playing the victim and I have a decent connection to my spirituality to help me get through just about anything. When life gets hard, I take responsibility and do what needs to be done for it to improve so I can be on my way.
Lately though, everything that I know or relied on, hasn't worked out in my favor and it has left me feeling extremely vulnerable. As you all know from my previous post, I am in the middle of taking my landlord to court. What I thought would be taken care of in a few weeks, turned into a three month long process.
After that, Dimitar and I were ready to move out in February to start a new life somewhere else; we even made a reservation for an apartment that we really liked. As it turned out though, our lease end date had been changed with no update given to us, so we had to release the apartment we reserved. It was so upsetting to think about having to live in our current apartment longer but there wasn't anything that we could do about it.
On top of all of that, working with a lawyer isn't cheap and within two months, we had to pay another retainer fee. It completely threw us off and left us speechless. Even though I know very well that when life gives you such drastic changes, the best thing to do is to trust that it's happening for a good reason - but the constant road blocks can feel so smothering at times when it's back to back.
With everything happening at once, I tried to break everything down so I could figure out what the Universe was trying to teach me. Throughout this entire process, I have had to be patient with myself, trust my own truth even when others don't believe in me, do what needs to be done no matter how inconvenient it is, and most importantly, have faith.
This whole process has also left me feeling vulnerable; something I am not familiar with or comfortable with experiencing. All of these challenges force me to build a deeper connection with my own spirituality that will eventually push me to realizing how strong I really am. It doesn't feel like this now, but I know someday when all of this is taken care of, it will give me much wisdom.
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