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I'm on a mission to healing my inner feminine energy. After taking a few months away from social media, I realized that my own inner struggles have caused an imbalance within me. Since I was little, I spent most of my time around my dad who was often reserved and in the Army so I wasn't exposed to much female energy. Even with 3 other sisters, we all lacked in the same manner. When I grew up, I quickly became surrounded by chaos and low vibrating situations that forced me to hold back a part of myself that needed to be expressed. As a result, I grew up afraid to show my emotions and afraid to let my inner qualities shine.
I didn't think anything of it though and for many years, I was fine, or so I thought. I enjoyed keeping people at a distance and I learned to put on my best brave face so that others wouldn't think about taking advantage of my weaknesses. I admired my cold exterior because it felt comforting to know that I was always one step ahead of everyone else. I learned to love being alone at a young age because my own company was better than most.
Time proved otherwise though. By 2021, a shift in how I carried myself left me vulnerable and struggling. The burden of loss was heavy and I could feel it eating away at my soul. I tried my hardest to resist the feelings, but I found myself crying more often, questioning my purpose in life, and feeling helplessly alone. For the first time in years, I felt exposed to a force that was ready to take me on a spin that I had no control of.
From 2021 to 2023, the dull aching pain inside of me grew. I became more resentful of myself and I started to lose interest in all of my passions; Dimitar and I fought more as well. The hard exterior I had tried so hard to keep strong was starting to fall apart because it was never meant to be there in the first place so naturally, everything was returning to it's natural state. That's when I realized that there was an imbalance within me that needed to be healed so I quickly turned to books for answers.
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| Awaken Your Inner Goddess by Dr. Dara Goldberg |
One book that caught my attention was Awaken Your Inner Goddess by Dr. Dara Goldberg. It opened up to me about how acknowledging ones own trauma can serve as a tool to reaffirming ones own strengths. The book covered thought provoking topics on psychology and spiritualty and how the two can coexist to create a balance between everyones masculine and feminine energies. While the information was simple at it's finest, it was everything my desperate soul needed to begin the process of healing.
So I slowly started to become more aware of the emotions I had put on the back burner for so long. Rather than pushing myself to be controlling, logically, and tenacious, I aimed to be compassionate, vulnerable, and playful. I became aware of my limiting beliefs and did my best to apply one feminine quality to my life that would help me overcome my own internal issues. The more aware I became about the yin and yang within me, the more authentic I began to feel but oh, was it scary!
While I still have much more to take care of within, I feel a bit lighter now that I've started this mission. I'm much more aware of how I present myself to the world and my own inner dialogue has grown to be a bit more forgiving because of it. This year, I really want to dedicate it to healing my feminine energy so I can begin to live my best life possible.
Until next time! - Sarah
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