I've opened up about my long term relationship with my own Prince charming, Dimitar, and over the years I've learned so much about what makes us strong that has made me redefine what love is to me. In the beginning, I didn't believe that we would make it because both of us have such strong personalities that we had no idea how to work with one another. But, with love for one another and dedication, we really overcame all of the obstacles that came our way.
This year will be my ninth anniversary with Dimitar and it feels so surreal to say this to myself; it truly feels like it was just yesterday where we were going on our first date to the movies together to watch Gravity with Sandra Bullock in it. We connected so easily with one another and made each other laugh so effortlessly, something I cherish even to this day. How time can feel so close yet so far away is only part of my amazement when it comes to long-term relationships.
I'm not a love guru or anything like that, but I have learned from the chaos around me what love should and shouldn't be. Using what I've learned and meshing it into my own intimate relationship, it has helped me build a solid foundation for myself that I hope can help others. After all, we all deserve to have a deep connection not only with ourselves, but with someone we truly love and want to spend our lives with.
TIPS FOR LONG HAPPY RELATIONSHIPS
1. FRIENDSHIP FIRST
I know it's not possible for everyone to start out as friends at first but the concept alone is what matters. Dimitar and I jumped into our relationship pretty fast and even though we had a deep connection, it still was a jump. It took us time to build up the necessary blocks that would help us grow and understand one another better and since we both were determined to make our relationship work - we both made an effort.
In time, we focused more on bonding first as friends - which may sound weird - but it really took the pressure off of us and helped us build trust between each other which is so important in every relationship, intimate or not. We had more fun this way thinking of ourselves as friends first and before we knew it, the obstacles slowly drifted away and made room for experiences that mattered. As a result, our love for each other grew.
2. BE EMOTIONAL MATURE
Both Dimitar and I were emotionally immature when we started dating. When it was good, it felt amazing. When it was bad, we both never wanted to be wrong. We didn't back down in arguments because both of our egos were at the forefront of our actions. It wasn't healthy and while we were young, 19 to be exact, it still wasn't good for our relationship. When I realized that you can't put a fire out with fire, I decided to work on being more emotionally mature which also helped Dimitar do the same.
I've talked before on this blog about how our emotions, if left to explode, will always get the best of us. Emotions can be a great way for us to express ourselves but only if done in a healthy manner. Too much of anything is bad for anyone and the same can be said about our emotions. If you let your emotions get the best of you and those around you, it's only bound to bring your relationships down, including the one you have with yourself. By practicing emotional maturity, you give your relationships a chance to exist in your world, and a chance for you to exist in theirs.
3. LISTEN & COMMUNICATE
I can still remember how drastic my relationship improved when I started to listen more and communicate regularly. Rather than trying to always be right, I learned to listen more because in all arguments - there are two people with different sides. So it's only fair that you give each person a chance to be heard by listening to them. Also, with listening, you also want to communicate your feelings in a none accusing way. When I started expressing my feelings more often with my partner in a calm manner, he became more aware of how I truly felt and was more receptive to me which created an open space for understanding.
9 times out of 10, listening and communicating effectively has not only helped Dimitar and I have less arguments, but if we do, they really fizz down in a matter of minutes. Yes, we are still human and occasionally we do bicker - but now that we know how to handle ourselves when it comes to disagreements, we spend more time just enjoying each others company. By learning to listen and openly communicate your feelings with your partner, you will find it easier for them to understand you and vice versa.
4. BE ENGAGED & INVOLVED
They say when you and your partner become a long term relationship - anything over five years - that there is a comfort phase everyone goes through. A phase where doing the same thing over and over can put a potential strain on a relationship's youth and this is actually true! Dimitar and I experienced this phase when money became tight for us and we found ourselves saving up and going out less. Naturally, it brought us down and while at first we weren't really aware of the effects of doing the same thing every day were - but we did realize that we had developed a comfort zone.
If you find you and your partner in a funk from being in a comfort zone, take initiative to plan different activities regularly. When you actively engage in youthful activities like going out with your partner and trying new activities, it can easily and quickly make any couple bond and feel more renewed. So never get too stuck in the comfort zone and always spice your activities up. This will also incentivize your partner to do the same.
5. PLAY & LAUGH OFTEN
Dimitar and I always make time to play and laugh. I don't spend a lot of time on social media, but when I do, I love collecting funny videos or funny memes just to show Dimitar and he also does the same with me. At the end of the day when we're together, we then go over all of them and we both have a great laugh and it's such a great way to end the day. We also make time to play together too, whether it's through cuddling or actually playing video games, we love playing and joking with one another because it just makes us feel so good. Since we're both quite silly in general, us being more playful with one another really brings out the best in us and our relationship.
I highly recommend couples of all lengths to be playful with one another. Play more videos games together or board games, watch more comical movies or tv series, joke around and be more child like with one another. I find that's it's quite common for life to take a toll on intimate relationships that we often overlook the importance of playing and laughing, but please don't!
6. CHECK UP ON EACH OTHER
You may think it comes easily in a relationship to ask how the other is doing, but it's fairly common not to! Both Dimitar and I are two highly independent people who often keep our emotions to ourselves. We learned the hard way that just by checking up on each other and asking the other how they are, really makes us both feel secure in the relationship. Life happens and sometimes it really takes a toll on us, so just being mindful to what happens in our partners life as well as our own, can help us be more caring for our partner when they need support the most.
Sending a daily text, giving a hug or kiss, asking them how they are or how they have been feeling, can really help our partner decompress if life is wearing them down. As long-term partners, it's so important for us to be there for our partner because that's love after all; it's a bond that is promised through the good times and hard times.
7. MAKE GOALS TOGETHER
If you and your partner make time to regularly talk to one another, it will be common for goals or wishes to pop up that will really bring your relationship together. I find that making goals together in a long term relationship not only gives a relationship a solid foundation as it reminds each person that both people are committed to the future, but also, it gives the relationship a chance to build onto the relationship and create more memories within it.
Dimitar and I often talk about our goals together and one that sticks out is our goal to get an apartment together. We talked about it so much and how great having our own privacy and life together was going to be, that when it actually happened - it really brought us closer together. Make goals together with your partner and you will be pleasantly surprised how it challenges your relationship; in a good way!
If you have any tips for long term relationships for others to learn from, leave your comments down below!
Until next time! xoxo - Sarah
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